It's been about a week since I wrote a blog post so I figure it's bout due time for one to update those that are interested in my journey on my feelings. So far I've been feeling GREAT! I'm starting to become more in tune and one with my spirit as each day goes by. I now listen to her more closely. I get so impulsive to paint now, it's starting to become a habit...almost like an addiction if you shall say. The euphoric feeling and rush I feel after I complete each of these abstract pieces is very profound and powerful. I now realize what it means to discover your passion. When you finally discover your passion, you suddenly start to rearrange your life around it. You become consumed by it. You begin to think differently. You would do anything for it.
Ever since I started doing these abstract paintings I've been having a strong, almost uncontrollable desire, to keep going. It's almost like I'm on a mission and I have no idea what exactly that mission is, but there is one. I can feel it. Like a magnet pulling me in this certain direction and I'm running towards God knows what but I'm sure it could possibly be my purpose. They say once you find your passion, your purpose follows and I think that may be happening and it's literally like having tunnel vision you can't get out of. I try to not do so many paintings in one week, but I can't help it. When my spirit gets the urge, it's like it's telling me "Go!" and I listen to her. Could I be making a complete fool of myself? Of course I could be, but it doesn't matter to me. Have I gotten discouraged over these 2 weeks? Of course I have but I don't let the discouragement win. Recording myself has helped me in that, I watch over the videos all the time. I see the happiness afterwards, I see the smile, I see the light in my eyes. It makes me want to keep on going and never give up, because that feeling is worth all the trials and errors I'm putting myself through. After all, I did challenge myself and I can't back down from a challenge now.
But, my biggest challenge is colors! Those damn colors! It's very tricky trying not have the colors mix too much and at the same time allow my spirit to be COMPLETELY free. When I allow my spirit to be completely free, my hands go everywhere all over the canvas forcing the colors to mix and then when I try to maintain control to keep the colors separate, my spirit is being restrained a little bit from doing what it wants. It's kind of confusing and at times frustrating trying to pick the right color combinations that will blend beautifully. I'm determined to get it right and I refuse to give up, even if people do look at me as a fool...
I'm a determined fool on a mission with a vision...