thoughts

Key To Happiness

Miche in her home studio after finishing “Key To Happiness”

Miche in her home studio after finishing “Key To Happiness”

Happiness is the art of never holding in your mind the memory of any unpleasant thing that has passed.
— unknown

Think about that quote for a minute and really take it in. A lot of times we block our own happiness by harboring a lot of things that we should of let go a long time ago, including myself.

My own struggle with finding my happiness is still an everyday battle. A lot of days I cry and other days I’m all smiles and laughter, but everyday, my mind is a non stop locomotive train on an infinite track going hundreds of miles per hour. Thoughts after thoughts going deeper and deeper into a dark abyss. When I tell you I’m an over thinker, I AM. My mind has caused me to have anxiety attacks or develop habits such as pacing a room back and forth when the thought train won’t stop and I find myself in the darkest parts of my mind where I suddenly feel…A L O N E and S A D.

When I first started this piece, I had no idea what it would turn out to be or where it would be heading. All I knew was I wanted to start with one color, orange, it’s my favorite color. From there, I did whatever came to my mind and rolled with it. I say all the time my paintings are access to my subconscious mind and a way for me to relieve pain. Even though I technically don’t FEEL any pain, I know it’s there. I’ve officially reached the point of numbness and to be honest, call me crazy, it kind of makes me sad…being numb. I’m hurting so badly that I’m numb. It’s like, my body and mind can’t comprehend that even more emotional pain is possible, because I’ve exceeded it so instead, I’ve gone numb. Crazy right? And this painting, this painting my mind (well subconscious mind) has conjured up reveals secrets to me and helping me understand my emotional state at this moment.

The sadness in the face, full of blue and disoriented. Thoughts manifesting themselves into whirlpools of tears that almost drown the figure crying in agony. Of course, there goes that infamous track of the crazy locomotive that goes on to infinity. Through the hazy clouds and through the field of poison where the mushrooms are bound. You don’t know where it’s coming from or where it’s going to. Did it already pass? Is it in the abyss? You’ll never know. And there it is, the key, the key to happiness. So big, so close and yet so far. Standing tall like the ultimate trophy prize, the key. Get it and unlock the happiness that will make the violent whirlpools calm like a still lake. The key that will make the infinity train stop its violent course. But, how do you get it? Stuck on a infinite locomotive track that travels through clouds and fields of poison going hundreds of miles per hour…how do you get the key? What would YOU do to get the key? What would you risk?

Sometimes it feels like it’s almost impossible, but even then, that word itself says I’m possible”.

PROCESS VIDEO: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a4yeeUkRbHE

"Key To Happiness’" November 16, 2018. All artwork and images are copyrighted. All rights reserved

"Key To Happiness’" November 16, 2018. All artwork and images are copyrighted. All rights reserved

Look at you now (prt 1)

Look at you

Look at you now

Can't believe I'm stuck with you

If I could I would depart from you

Look at you

Look at you now

Tears streaming down your face

Can't even move from this place

I'm sick of this shit

Why don't you just quit

And make it easier for me and you

I hate that I'm a part of you

Look at you

Look at you now

Can't even keep your head up

Always looking down at the ground

Who you praying to?

Tell me where your God is now?

You're so weak

It's such a shame

That you're a part of me

Even I want to get away from you

Look at you

Look at you now

You're so gullible

So stupid you make yourself vulnerable

I hate that I'm a part of you

I wish I could depart from you

I be wondering when will life be done with you

Look at you

Look at you now

Dammit why are you such a coward

Crying your heart out non stop for hours

SHUT THE FUCK UP!

I'm tired of hearing you cry for hours

Nobody is listening for you

They don't care about your heart wrenching sounds

It's been that way since you were a child

You sensitive little bitch

You give me such a nasty itch

Why you think nobody sticks around for you?

Trying to save the world and people

When will you realize they don't have the same heart

As you do

Man fuck you

Look at you

Look at you now

Can't even keep your head up

Always looking down at the ground

Who you praying to?

Tell me where you God is now?

Probably no where around

No where to be found

Probably sick of your shit

Sick of your sins

Look at the fucking mess your in

Man I'm sick of this shit

Hate that I'm a part of it

A part of you

If I could depart from you I would

Maybe I should

And you know I could

Ever wonder what death feel like?

Might be the perfect cure for you

You literally have nothing to lose

But this damaged heart and weak ass soul

This shit is getting old

Look at you

Look at you now

I'm fucking sick of looking in the mirror

Looking at eyes begging for help

You're so fucking helpless

Hopeless

Don't even know what hope is

Lost all focus

I fucking hate being a part of you

Fuck your feelings

No medicine in the world strong enough to heal this

Heal all the pain

You have yourself to blame

You seem to love getting played

Have your feelings all in the way

You're such a shame

Such a disgrace

Hate looking in the mirror

Looking at your stupid face

Why don't you leave this place

I fucking hate you

Look at you

Look at you now

Got nothing to say

Because I'm so loud

Look at you now

Can't even keep your head up

Always looking down at the ground

Who you praying to?

Tell me where is your God now?

 

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