letter

Half the Woman

Mothers' are quite unique aren't they? Carrying you around for 9 months as she rubbed her belly, whispering to you all the love in her voice only a mother can make. Sacrificing so much and promising to care for you until the day she is gone. Mothers' are quite unique and one day out of the year just simply isn't enough to show our gratitude towards the women who brought us into this world. But it is a start.

Let me tell you about my superwoman, my mother. My mother, in my eyes, is the true epitome of a WOMAN. She's not rough around the edges, no. She is a woman of a soft, delicate nature. Her voice is soft and sweet. The voice of love. She has such a cute, flirtatious nature about her that would make men drop their jaws. Her eyes, bright and soft. She's soft like a woman should be however, she is STRONG as well. The strongest woman I have ever come to known in this lifetime of mine. I rarely ever saw her cry, she always made sure she maintained her strong will and independence in front of me. I remember being a little girl and would watch her get dressed and just thinking to myself and she would put on her red lipstick how beautiful she looked and I wanted to be like her. She ALWAYS looked beautiful even when she really didn't have to because she wasn't going anywhere. She ALWAYS looked beautiful. Always put together, even if she was breaking down on the inside. You would never know because she always had her dimples showing. But, she wasn't one to mistaken for as fool. Her calm nature could turn into a storm of madness if you pissed her off. Trust me you don't want to see that woman get angry. But, that was rare. I mostly saw her having a good time and laughing a lot. She's definitely a woman that enjoyed her away time at the beach soaking up rays of sun because she would always tell me "I'm trying to get some color baby". Her laugh is to die for because its such a unique laugh. She really gets to laughing when she downs her Margaritas straight up or frozen. Now that is a sight to see and I enjoy it because she truly is enjoying herself. She's not on of those angry drinkers. I remember for my 16th birthday we went on a trip to the Bahamas (and my angry hormones I was being such a bitch, sorry mom) and on the flight I started getting panicky because the turbulence was driving me crazy. So, my mom goes in her bag and pulls out a little shooter and told me:

Drink this and relax!

LOL I couldn't believe my mom was encouraging me to take a shot at 16 but I guess she got tired of me whining on the flight. But I assure you, my mom was never a bad influence. She was always "keeping it real" with me. Never sugar coating anything, and wasn't afraid to expose me to the realities of life that others would try to shield from their child. My mother is the epitome of a woman. A strong woman, and also one of a soft nature. She is the epitome of a woman.

Now at the age of 27 I hope I can be at least half the amazing woman she is. As the years go by I'm starting to see more and more of her in myself, just with my own little twist. It's actually funny because now if we go out and I get all diva on up and she'll look at me and say "Wow you look nice but we're just going such and such" and I'll just hit her with "I know but I've watched you all those years" or, as she would say, "you never know when your going to meet your husband". She taught me how to be a woman. A virtuous, strong, yet soft woman that isn't afraid to feel and show emotions but won't take no shit either. She is the perfect balance and I hope at the age of 27 I'm at least half the woman she is. Of course like every mother daughter relationship we've had our share of ups and downs and we even stopped talking for some years. But the thing with unconditional love is you will always find your way back to each other, forgive, and let go of the past as if it never happened. Me and her have seemed to of mastered that with each other and I can't thank God enough for blessing me with her as my Mother. At the age of 27 I hope I can be at least half the amazing woman she is. The woman that got up and left my father because she was unhappy, started over with her life as a single mom with a teenage daughter and was successful without the help of a man and I never saw her breakdown once during that rough phase in our lives. She showed me not to be afraid to let go, move on, and to make changes and not give in to fear. She showed me so many things I could write a novel on the lessons she taught me that I'm sure she's not aware of. But I payed attention to her like a hawk and I hope at the age of 27 I am at least half the amazing woman she is.

I'm not too good with surprises, or gifts. In fact I kind of suck at them. But, I do know how to write one hell of a love letter and this is a love letter to my mother, Colleen Brooks-Thomas:

Dear Mom,

I can't thank you enough for all that you have done for me. If I could, I would catch the stars and bring you the moon. If I could (and I knew I wouldn't get caught) I would rob a bank and empty out all their vaults and buy you your own private island (maybe two or three) so you can go whenever you want to soak up some rays along with your favorite Margarita away from all the chaos because you deserve that kind of treatment and so much more. I sometimes wonder if you think I don't appreciate you enough, please be aware that I do. I appreciate everything about you. Even when you yell at me trying to knock some sense into because you're making me a better person. I know I can be very stubborn but it gets through. Everyday I wish I could offer you so much more because you deserve absolutely everything and everyday I'm trying to think of ways to give you everything. I hear you tell me all the time your proud of the woman I've become and I just want you to know that when you look at me, I am a reflection of you. All the discipline, all the love, sacrifices, and talks helped make me the woman I am today and it's all because of you. I have part of your DNA. So when you say your proud of me and how amazing I am please know it all started with you. You're amazing, talented, beautiful, intelligent, fierce, strong, graceful, and the epitome of a woman. I get it from you. ALL from you. I know I could of easily have gotten you a card, but I wanted to write you in my own words. Nobody else. As a nurse you spent so many years look after and taking care of people and getting people back to good health. Now that am much older and capable I want to be able to provide you with the relaxation you deserve. I might not get it right away or get things right all the time but I can promise you that I will try and keep trying becausewant to make you happy. I love you so much, and I thank God for you every single day. Happy Mother's Day mom, I love you!

- Your daughter

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ALL THE MOTHERS OUT THERE AND TO THE MOTHERS THAT MAY NOT BE HERE IN THE PHYSICAL, BUT IN THE SPIRITUAL.

"Letter to Lord"

( On April 27th 2016 @ 10:34P.M - Driving down 95 as the raindrops clash onto my wind shield, each raindrop leaving it's unique mark of mini rivers that ran down mimicking the tears I've cried in this lifetime. It would stop...then start...stop....then start....so I write...)  

"Letter to Lord"

The well runs dry

No water coming to my home

Thirsty seeds planted

Beneath the soil

Waiting for new life to grow

As these dark sins cling onto my soul

From the world of where I was born

And no matter how hard I try

I'm still tainted like a hungry whore

Heal my pain

In Jesus name, Lord

Heal my pain

Oh, heal my pain

Heal my pain

In Jesus name, Lord

Heal my pain

Oh, heal my pain

I have betrayed every lover

But not before I was a good woman

Just like my mother

I've probably healed then killed many spirits

Along the way

Unintentionally of course

But still all in the same

I'm sorry for dancing for Lucifer

He fell in love

And now he keeps calling my name

Making it hard to stay away

Even though I know his dirty tricks

And wicked games

Have mercy on me

I never meant for it to turn out this way

Heal my pain

In Jesus name, Lord

Heal my pain

Oh, heal my pain

Heal my pain

In Jesus name, Lord

Heal my pain

Oh, heal my pain

The heavy burdens keep coming

One after the other

Keep me safe give me strength

For my ex Satanic lover took all my armor

As I made love to his sins

That my crying soul now harbors

As dead fish wash up on the shore

Representing all the dreams

That could of been born

All because I fell in love with his demons

As we danced the night away

But all along I was dancing alone

Please forgive me

Have mercy on me I'm calling your name

And you can hear me I know

I had a friend say a prayer for me

And I never heard a prayer for me before

Heal my pain

In Jesus name, Lord

Heal my pain

Oh, heal my pain

Heal my pain

In Jesus name, Lord

Heal my pain

Oh, heal my pain

 

(...heal my pain...heal my pain...heal my pain...heal my pain...)

COPYRIGHTED ©2016