I had jus got back in the house from running early morning errands, feeling in a good mood and productive. I let my dogs outside as usual, allowing them to stretch their legs, handle their business, and enjoy the beautiful weather. Not too long after letting them out, I hear Khali barking frantically and acting a little weird in one patchy area of grass. I immediately go over to investigate. In my head, I'm freaking out because I'm thinking he's messing with a snake. Nope. I finally get over there and I see a helpless brown bird, struggling to fly, gasping for air, and of course freaking out. Me being the animal lover I am, I got very concerned and rushed Khali inside and grabbed a pair of gloves. When I returned to the bird I gently picked it up. Talking calmly to the frightened creature, handling it with care trying to see if I could see injuries. The poor thing was so disoriented and having trouble walking, head drooping to the side. I felt very sad for the animal. He would try to fly multiple times but just couldn't. I then ran back into the house, grabbed my phone and shoebox and proceeded to call The City Wildlife Rescue to inform them about the bird and bring it in.
I figured if I can help give this little bird a fighting chance, then I will. The whole ride there I'm talking to this bird trying to soothe it. After a nerve wrecking 15 minute drive of me telling this bird to hold on, I finally reached the rescue and handed to bird over in hopes of saving this birds life. I was very happy I was able to help this defenseless bird, then proceeded back to my car to head home.
But....on the way home, one of the most heartbreaking thing happened...
I was driving down my main street, in a good mood. Suddenly, I hear a really loud thud on the driver side window and I looked in my side mirror only to see a beautiful male Cardinal drop to its death in the middle of the street. My eyes watered up like a fountain and I started balling crying saying "I killed a bird!" even though it was completely out of my control and it wasn't my fault. I was so in disbelief at how I did all I could to do something right and yet, still something went completely wrong. All I kept thinking was
"Why did this happen?"
"I killed a bird!"
"Everytime I try to do right, I always fuck up!"
I knew I shouldn't blame myself but I couldn't help it. As I'm balling crying in the car, I decided to turn around. I couldn't leave that beautiful Cardinal like that in the middle of the street to just get ran over and over by these cars. It had a life and I took it, even though it was completely out of my control. I pulled over to the side of the road and found anything I could pick the Cardinal up with and a bag. I wanted to give this animal a proper burial. As, I was waiting for the road to clear, this guy in truck purposely drove and swerved to run over the bird. I became so angry yelling to the sky with tears in my eyes...
"You fucking asshole! You didn't need to run it over, it's already dead! Have some compassion you fucking dick!"
When the rode finally cleared and ran to go get the Cardinal. I was just happy he wasn't flattened like a pancake on the rode and it was still pretty intact. I picked it up and put him in the back and kept saying "I'm so sorry" over and over. I decided to bury him in my little jungle area, because I love that area so much. Still crying, I grabbed a shovel and began digging a little hole to place him in. As I began to cover him with dirt, I said a prayer for it. All I could say was "I'm so sorry, I hope you have a wonderful journey into a next after life. You lived well and I'm sorry it ended this way." and proceeded to give him a proper burial.
I knew this was a sign. It's the very important balance of life.
A life for a life. The circle of Life and Death. The Balance
Maybe that's what happens when we die. We save another life or give birth to a new one. I'm still not sure of what the message is and why it happened to me the way it did. The coincidence of helping and saving a lifeless bird only for a strong, thriving, bird to die 30 minutes later. I knew that was a sign and message directly for me and that was how I interpreted it. However, I could be wrong about my interpretation of the whole ordeal. But for now, the Cardinal made me realize that death is just as important as life. The Balance.