Key To Happiness

Miche in her home studio after finishing “Key To Happiness”

Miche in her home studio after finishing “Key To Happiness”

Happiness is the art of never holding in your mind the memory of any unpleasant thing that has passed.
— unknown

Think about that quote for a minute and really take it in. A lot of times we block our own happiness by harboring a lot of things that we should of let go a long time ago, including myself.

My own struggle with finding my happiness is still an everyday battle. A lot of days I cry and other days I’m all smiles and laughter, but everyday, my mind is a non stop locomotive train on an infinite track going hundreds of miles per hour. Thoughts after thoughts going deeper and deeper into a dark abyss. When I tell you I’m an over thinker, I AM. My mind has caused me to have anxiety attacks or develop habits such as pacing a room back and forth when the thought train won’t stop and I find myself in the darkest parts of my mind where I suddenly feel…A L O N E and S A D.

When I first started this piece, I had no idea what it would turn out to be or where it would be heading. All I knew was I wanted to start with one color, orange, it’s my favorite color. From there, I did whatever came to my mind and rolled with it. I say all the time my paintings are access to my subconscious mind and a way for me to relieve pain. Even though I technically don’t FEEL any pain, I know it’s there. I’ve officially reached the point of numbness and to be honest, call me crazy, it kind of makes me sad…being numb. I’m hurting so badly that I’m numb. It’s like, my body and mind can’t comprehend that even more emotional pain is possible, because I’ve exceeded it so instead, I’ve gone numb. Crazy right? And this painting, this painting my mind (well subconscious mind) has conjured up reveals secrets to me and helping me understand my emotional state at this moment.

The sadness in the face, full of blue and disoriented. Thoughts manifesting themselves into whirlpools of tears that almost drown the figure crying in agony. Of course, there goes that infamous track of the crazy locomotive that goes on to infinity. Through the hazy clouds and through the field of poison where the mushrooms are bound. You don’t know where it’s coming from or where it’s going to. Did it already pass? Is it in the abyss? You’ll never know. And there it is, the key, the key to happiness. So big, so close and yet so far. Standing tall like the ultimate trophy prize, the key. Get it and unlock the happiness that will make the violent whirlpools calm like a still lake. The key that will make the infinity train stop its violent course. But, how do you get it? Stuck on a infinite locomotive track that travels through clouds and fields of poison going hundreds of miles per hour…how do you get the key? What would YOU do to get the key? What would you risk?

Sometimes it feels like it’s almost impossible, but even then, that word itself says I’m possible”.

PROCESS VIDEO: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a4yeeUkRbHE

"Key To Happiness’" November 16, 2018. All artwork and images are copyrighted. All rights reserved

"Key To Happiness’" November 16, 2018. All artwork and images are copyrighted. All rights reserved

The Cardinal: Balance of Life

I had jus got back in the house from running early morning errands, feeling in a good mood and productive. I let my dogs outside as usual, allowing them to stretch their legs, handle their business, and enjoy the beautiful weather. Not too long after letting them out, I hear Khali barking frantically and acting a little weird in one patchy area of grass. I immediately go over to investigate. In my head, I'm freaking out because I'm thinking he's messing with a snake. Nope. I finally get over there and I see a helpless brown bird, struggling to fly, gasping for air, and of course freaking out. Me being the animal lover I am, I got very concerned and rushed Khali inside and grabbed a pair of gloves. When I returned to the bird I gently picked it up. Talking calmly to the frightened creature, handling it with care trying to see if I could see injuries. The poor thing was so disoriented and having trouble walking, head drooping to the side. I felt very sad for the animal. He would try to fly multiple times but just couldn't. I then ran back into the house, grabbed my phone and shoebox and proceeded to call The City Wildlife Rescue to inform them about the bird and bring it in.

The little bird was so lifeless and was gasping for air, but we made it to the center.

The little bird was so lifeless and was gasping for air, but we made it to the center.

City Wildlife Rescue.. 15 Oglethorpe St, NW, Washington DC 20011. Image found on Google

City Wildlife Rescue.. 15 Oglethorpe St, NW, Washington DC 20011. Image found on Google

I figured if I can help give this little bird a fighting chance, then I will. The whole ride there I'm talking to this bird trying to soothe it. After a nerve wrecking 15 minute drive of me telling this bird to hold on, I finally reached the rescue and handed to bird over in hopes of saving this birds life. I was very happy I was able to help this defenseless bird, then proceeded back to my car to head home.

But....on the way home, one of the most heartbreaking thing happened...

I was driving down my main street, in a good mood. Suddenly, I hear a really loud thud on the driver side window and I looked in my side mirror only to see a beautiful male Cardinal drop to its death in the middle of the street. My eyes watered up like a fountain and I started balling crying saying "I killed a bird!" even though it was completely out of my control and it wasn't my fault. I was so in disbelief at how I did all I could to do something right and yet, still something went completely wrong. All I kept thinking was

"Why did this happen?"
"I killed a bird!"
"Everytime I try to do right, I always fuck up!"

I knew I shouldn't blame myself but I couldn't help it. As I'm balling crying in the car, I decided to turn around. I couldn't leave that beautiful Cardinal like that in the middle of the street to just get ran over and over by these cars. It had a life and I took it, even though it was completely out of my control. I pulled over to the side of the road and found anything I could pick the Cardinal up with and a bag. I wanted to give this animal a proper burial. As, I was waiting for the road to clear, this guy in truck purposely drove and swerved to run over the bird. I became so angry yelling to the sky with tears in my eyes... 

"You fucking asshole! You didn't need to run it over, it's already dead! Have some compassion you fucking dick!" 

When the rode finally cleared and ran to go get the Cardinal. I was just happy he wasn't flattened like a pancake on the rode and it was still pretty intact. I picked it up and put him in the back and kept saying "I'm so sorry" over and over. I decided to bury him in my little jungle area, because I love that area so much. Still crying, I grabbed a shovel and began digging a little hole to place him in. As I began to cover him with dirt, I said a prayer for it. All I could say was "I'm so sorry, I hope you have a wonderful journey into a next after life. You lived well and I'm sorry it ended this way." and proceeded to give him a proper burial. 

I knew this was a sign. It's the very important balance of life. 

A life for a life. The circle of Life and Death. The Balance

Maybe that's what happens when we die. We save another life or give birth to a new one. I'm still not sure of what the message is and why it happened to me the way it did. The coincidence of helping and saving a lifeless bird only for a strong, thriving, bird to die 30 minutes later. I knew that was a sign and message directly for me and that was how I interpreted it. However, I could be wrong about my interpretation of the whole ordeal. But for now, the Cardinal made me realize that death is just as important as life. The Balance.

R.I.P Cardinal.

R.I.P Cardinal.

Bed of Roses

Miche creating "Bed of Roses" in her home studio

Miche creating "Bed of Roses" in her home studio

"I stood before him, mesmerized by him
as he laid a kiss on each corner of my face
his hands tracing every inch of my body,
learning every curve and it felt like heaven.
As the sensation of velvet flowed through my veins
I fell...
light as a feather
onto his bed
arms over head
sheets engulfing me like clouds
I sighed
I looked at him
and I said
You make me feel like a bed of roses"

- Miche

 

Since I've been embarking on this journey with my art, I made a vow to myself, as well as those who've come to witness this journey with me, that I would be as open and authentic as I can. My pieces are all driven by feelings and emotions. "Bed of Roses" is no different. Out of all of my paintings, this piece took the most amount of time. 8 days and over 30 hours of dedication. For a while I've been telling myself that I wanted to work on a piece that required me to take my time, to teach me patience. If you've been following me on this journey, I always say that my paintings are my teachers because they're access to my subconscious mind. So I learn from them. 

The poem in the beginning is very real, and raw feelings. I describe this "Mystery man" in my life and how he makes me feel like a bed of roses with simply his touch. The vision came to me clearly as the painting is and I wanted to express it. We women are phenomanal creatures and when we are treated with love and delicacy, a new world opens up within us that we want to share. When we are caressed by the perfect pair of hands, our body is sent into a flutter of sensation, much like a purring cat. We become vulnerable, we become open, we feel loved. I wanted the cat to symbolize that femininity, that delicacy, that pleasure, as she is submerged in a bed of roses. Surrounded in pure comfort of velvet sending nothing but pure bliss all over the body. For once, I feel safe.

I apply each piece's teachings to my everyday life and this one is patience. Sometimes in life, we can rush things. But the true virtue of having patience can be only seen in the end. Along with my motto of "Expect nothing and enjoy the process" I have a new outlook on a lot of things in my life. In a world where everyone has become so selfish and so guarded, I want you to know, it's okay to "feel" it takes courage. A lot of times we become so focused on the past, of what we been through and we tend to worry so much about the future that we forget about the exact moment we're in. Take a brief second to just embrace the moment you are in, right now, as your reading this. What are you feeling? who are you thinking about? what's around you? what can you smell? are you happy? 

This piece is an expression of moment in my life. In that moment, this "Mystery man" made me feel like a bed or roses and I wanted to express it. What will come of the future? I'll see when it comes, but for now I'm enjoying each moment as they come and handling them day by day. For all you could know, this "Mystery man" could of been a one night stand or could be a man I've been dating a while. It's all about the moment. Making each one count and not being afraid to express them. Remember never apologize for what you feel because it's real. 

Ladies if you find you a man that makes you feel like a bed of roses, express it to him. Men remember it's okay to show her vulnerability, make her feel like a bed of roses.

PROCESS VIDEO: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=td7u08lJ-60

"Bed Of Roses" February 11, 2018. All artwork and images are copyrighted. All rights reserved

"Bed Of Roses" February 11, 2018. All artwork and images are copyrighted. All rights reserved